So like every week, I struggle to figure out what to write. If it was as simple as writing what ever comes to mind, I’d have a pile of articles waiting for you all, but it’s not. I have to think about something you all would be interested in. Assuming that the majority of my audiences aren’t primary school children, I’m often lost in what to say, which you don’t already know. But man I have a lot to say to them. Instead I just express all that general knowledge to my younger sister, in hope she learns all those life lessons earlier on.
One thing I do know people our age struggle with constantly is relationships, in the sense of boyfriend and girlfriend/ partnerships. For some reason we’re always lost in what to do or what move to play. And sometimes we want to say things but just can’t, usually because we’re afraid of how the other will react. So that’s what today’s article is going to be about; the process of speaking up and knowing when to say things and when not to.
Relationship Advice: Knowing when to express your thoughts and when not to.
Relationships go two ways; partners either express their thoughts and feelings too much or not enough. All we have to figure out is, when is it the right time to speak up and when should we really shut our mouths and keep those thoughts to ourselves?
Often those who are reluctant to speak up are trying to maintain a “perfect” relationship in some way and prevent any strife or negativity impacting on what they’ve got going. In doing this, they are potentially preparing a hefty explosion, just waiting to erupt. Tension beings to build within the individual and one day the slightest itch sets them off. Let’s call them the ticking bomb.
On the other side you have the partner who won’t shut up. They say everything that bothers them and nags constantly. They never think things through and their relationship is a constant a battlefield. Let’s call them the minefielders.
And lastly you have the partner that cares little about anything. They do as they wish and act like they’re not even in a relationship. These are the clueless.
Each and every one of these partner characteristics have their negative affects on a relationship, but they all need just a bit from one another in order to maintain a healthy and stable bond.
For the Ticking Bombs, as I mentioned previously, you will explode eventually because all the strife or concerns you are holding inside will eat away at you slowly. The problem will not go away, although you hope it will, if you just ignore it –it won’t. It will just build and build, maybe even get worse. You have to think to yourself, “is this a big problem? Is this going to torment me for as long as I live?” If it isn’t harming you “is it harming someone else or even them?” Write a list of pro’s and con’s if you want. Do what ever you have to do to make a decision, but I assume if you are going through so much effort, the problem is concerning you much more than you think. You won’t be ruining your relationship by voicing your opinion –that is if you voice it in a reasonable and relatable way. You will be improving and strengthening it, making sure it will for sure be that “perfect” relationship you’ve always wanted.
Minefielders, now let’s hush for a second and settle down because I know this information will be of great use for you all. Think about the last time you got in an argument with your partner. Was it stupid? Was it over nothing important? Could you have approached the matter in a better way? I’m sure you could have. Would you have appreciated if your partner spoke or raised an issue to you in a similar way? Probably not. So here is what we are going to do from now on. Every time you intend on saying something; stop, thinking about whether what you have to say is necessary and if it is, present it in a way you would appreciate it presented to you. If you find your partner taking on the same characteristics as you (the minfielder), which is quite often, explain to them how you want your way of interaction to change and for the arguments and unnecessary yelling to stop. If they think it’s bullshit, well… Think about whether it is worth continuing a relationship where your partner won’t listen to you, even when you’re talking to them reasonably. And if you think they are, work at it –try harder. Just remember, everyone is human and we generally like to be treated in the same way. Simply go about treating others, especially your partner, in the way you wish to be treated and I am sure they will appreciate it –who wouldn’t.
Oh the clueless. You remembered you were in a relationship long enough to read this far in the article. (I imagine them all closing the article right now, frustrated at that comment because they’re usually thinking about themselves and how things impacts them rather than others around them, especially their other half)
Listen here. I don’t know how your relationship works, but usually your other half isn’t entirely happy with how things are mapped out. They may say, “yeah of course I’m fine with it” and laugh, but really they’re not and they’re a ‘Ticking Bomb’, so you better distinguish that before it explodes. Something is happening on your behalf that is preventing them from expressing their true feelings. Who wants to be in a relationship that doesn’t feel like a relationship? Why even call it a relationship if it isn’t just that –a relationship? Sit down and think to yourself, “if I was in a serious relationship, what would I want/ expect?” Now think whether it is anything like yours. Think about what you are spending all your time doing and if you were in a serious relationship, if you would appreciate your partner doing that to you. Simply change perspectives and then sit down with your partner and ask them all these queries you’ve come up with. Once presented with questions that they know you’ve thought out and taken time out of your “busy” schedule to think about, they will feel more open to telling you how they really feel because only now will you understand what they’re going through and where they’re coming from.
I know it takes several relationships to find the best or at least work up the skills to create the best, but just know, if you aren’t prepared for a relationship and your partner is, tell them then and there and don’t lead them on because we all know the heart grows fonder the longer you are together, and the longer you are together, the harder it is to separate.
I really wanted to write something tonight about Mother’s Day, but looking at it from a broader perspective I didn’t know whether it would be a good idea. Parents or parenting is very different nowadays, not everyone has both parents, for whatever reason, and it’s not like Valentine’s Day (well it actually could be in one aspect, but I won’t go into detail) where people despise it because they don’t have a partner to share it with. Our parents are the people who created us and we all share a part of each of them. Without them we wouldn’t be here.
So for whatever reason you are unable to share Mother’s Day or, in the months to come, Father’s day with your parent/s, my heart goes out to you and know that at least you have others around you that love and care for you every day, sharing the love I know your parent/s are probably sending through them.
My deepest love from